Living Life as Jayden's Mommy….

I say that because I am encouraged… listening to my favorite Christian Cd (even though it is a bootleg copy that I made… he he) I can honestly say that I know God has a plan. Song #1 says “No weapon formed against me shall prosper.” I believe that… and have seen it play out which is even more awesome. Then song #2 is Bebe and Cece (all you that listen to African American gospel know I am talking about the Winans- love them!) and it is old school but “Addicted Love” is the bomb and I can sing it all the way through….

Ok so I got an e-mail from my cuz today about a cute little story… I won’t post the story but essentially this was the caption at the end and I felt encouraged enough to share it with every one of my readers:

Philppians 4:13 — I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

The road to success is not straight. There is a curve called Failure, a loop called Confusion, speed bumps called
Friends, red lights called Enemies, caution lights called Family. You will have flats called Jobs. But, if you have a spare called Determination, an engine called Perseverance, insurance called Faith, a driver called Jesus, you will make it to a place called Success.

Is that not just awesome?

Ok now for real talk… I am 29 weeks today.. I thought this day would come much later for some reason. I go to the doc again for a sugar check on Friday. I am very antsy about what will become of me… birth, working situation, living situation, etc. I did talk to my Mom and figured out that if we continue to live where we are (hubby and I) we could live on savings and him working and I could stay at home if that is what we want to do. I was soooo against it and as time marches on I am feeling it more. I feel I need a break from the classroom. Then again I am eager to spend the summer taking care of my little one as many mommies tell me that they were eager to head back to work so that they could get a break. I am also concerned about the birthing process. Now I have 2 fibroids and although the doc said he had plenty of room, I feel sorry for Jayden having to share me with them! (Spoken like a true Mommy). I think I am going to buy my stuff from Target next week- at least the travel system anyways. My mom is buying the bassinet thing I picked out and I think my sis is buying the bouncy seat thing or something. Then of course with 2 Godmommies that are extremely excited and a future Goddaddy- Jayden will be ready and met with love! Ok so I am nervous about birth… I pray that it lasts a little while, I get an epidural (sp?) and then have the baby naturally. I don’t want a C-section because I want to walk out of the hospital. I am open to having more children as this pregnancy has not been the easiest but not so bad that I don’t want to go through it again… *sigh* and next time we hope for an Ashlynne Nechele and then this Mommy will be done!

Well thanks for listening. I am antsy… I snap at students a lot and then of course the class chorus now is “She is pregnant!” And I always add, “yeah, I am pregnant!” It is almost a joke but they know I enjoy them it is just getting difficult. My emotions are up and down and I have to be careful who I talk to and when because I can’t really be there for them like I once was… in other words it is my turn to be selfish! Very seldom do I want to hear about anyone else’s issues… I want to say my stuff… may or may not want feedback and then I want to go to sleep. I have told hubby once or twice that I just want him to listen and don’t offer an opinion… he laughed in shock but listened as I reminded him that I am pregnant and need his support!

I am stopping now before I get too caught up. If you care to add a comment, please do… until next time America…lol…

That is all….. there isn’t anymore…

My hubby has composed a song called “It’s All Right”… it is actually a song that you can ride to, swing to, or just play and work. It is sooo awesome and relaxing. There are no words currently and if I could play it for you all I would but we hope that the single will be available by the end of the summer on itunes or something. It is soooo good. Smidgen and I have discussed ways to get it out and about so that was exciting too…

The week was rough. I have decided that even moreso now I want to move to AL. I was complacent in FL and then God decided to allow the devil to stir some things up. Let’s just say when people change positions, new people come in and things just change. As a teacher, schools are getting worse before they get better. I do feel I am called to teach. I acknowledge that… but who says that I can’t do it somewhere else? Or in a different environment? Hmmm… so I am praying specifically now for a new position at a high or middle school that is considered a “good school” where students and parents respect teachers. I would also like to have one class (one lesson plan), no more than 2 different classes and then maybe 6 periods a day or less. I am not big on block schedule but it will do. I would also like to have no duty. If I do have duty, I would like to have no lunch duty. I would also like to see $9,000 pay increase (or a little less) and cheap family monthly insurance (like $300) and good benefits. I would also like to love my coworkers and find some really good friends that I share a common bond with. A school and school system that understands teachers need supplies and support of the administration. I also hope that money issues are not too bad! Now talk about specifics- I think I have it covered! So there you have it my prayer…

I decided against Bless Your Heart this week simply because it is just too personal right now. I am tired of people thinking the world revolves around them… duh- my world revolves around me, lol… anyways… it was a good week spent with hubby so it all worked out in the end. I do have a few students who are soooo sweet and are truly at school to learn about life and get ready for the real world. I feel sorry for the kids who parents always jump up and in to handle small issues- it teaches the kids nothing in the long run. Accept your wrongdoings- do better and move on!

Well, Ms. Tiny aka Ashlynne did not have me up early but I am sore up top so I have to adjust carefully in the bed when I get uncomfy. I woke up to NO MILK! Ugh! My Mom drank it all! Can you believe that??? She is going to get some tomorrow I think so I had cheese grits for breakfast a nice helping I might add.

I was pretty full or so I thought. Since I was going to my Dad’s church I knew that no one would say anything to the Pastor’s daughter if I brought in my mug of water, crackers, and chips. Ms. Bootswiththefur suggested saltines which I don’t normally eat as a snack between meals, they worked perfect! I ate all of them in church! Then my Dad acknowledged my sister and I coming to church as I was putting a huge Dorito in my mouth. Sis cracked up and I was just embarrassed! Then my sister (as loud as possible) told my Dad to make the announcement for me. I was a deer in headlights! My Dad asked me (FROM THE PULPIT) could he tell. I told him that was fine and then he boldly announced that I was “With child!” I thought I was going to go through the floor. Why can’t I just be pregnant??? Ugh.. he is too silly sometimes… lol. Anyways so then I had to get congratulated by everyone and hear their wishes of little boys and twins! I announced that I wanted one child and a girl though. All I could really think of was my field peas, ribs, and white rice waiting on me at home though. We left church and headed home so that I could eat. It was yummy to my tummy too!

My Dad did tell me that my appetite had picked up and I told him that I knew. But I just wanted to eat so I should. I am eating healthy. The book said not to get hungry. I really need to be reading up on it but my main focus is my Pap and my pelvic exam. I am praying regularly that I can go through with it and it doesn’t hurt too much. I am still nervous.. not scared though. I guess it is something to suck up and just get it over with. Ugh!

Todays’ sermon was about the Power of Prayer and how we need to pray for everyone and everything. We should know that our heavenly Father is there and we can depend on him. We can fast and pray in times of need, and I can attest that it actually works too! Second, we must have pure motives. This is about God and not about you. I have to remind myself of that when situations occur. Why is this happening to me? Well, why not you? Some way, some how God is going to come through and this is your chance to glorify him in your situation! Third, you must make sure you have confidence in the God that you serve. God does answer prayer. We have to all remember that God does answer prayers and he does it in his own time.

Well, I am looking for property now and reconsidering home options too. I do hope to hear something tomorrow and maybe talk to a finance person as well. Although I have a swamped week. Yes, I have a bargaining committee meeting tomorrow (let’s see if teachers can get some $). I also have a Delta Kappa Gamma meeting where I am now chairing a committee- I am excited about that. And the most important event this week- I need a hair do! My edges are horrible!!!! Ugh… after Wednesday I should be good to go. I think I am going to have to go to the tutor thing once to introduce my replacement… not sure when that will happen though. Oh well… 

Good news for the week- we get paid! Whooohoooo! I can continue my savings and get that stash built up for all the new surprises. I am very confident that all of the Godparents and adopted aunts will provide plenty of diapers and wipes so that is exciting… lol… I also know that will be my Christmas wish list. Speaking of.. I need to get started on that right away… my birthday is next week- to think I will be 27 according to my Mom but I think I am going to hold on to 25 one more year. Third time is the charm!

Goodnight, thanks for reading, thanks in advance for commenting, and keep blogging for you bloggers!

Ok this blogmight sound rude, insensitive, and possibly a little hateful. So… I am just going to write a letter to Smidgen. That way- no one has to take it personal but her.

Dear Smidgen,

The time has come (the “damn time” to be exact). I do hate that we were not with the Obama group celebrating such a triumph in history but I suppose we will be okay. I am very excited that we took part in this time in history and are on the other side of the coin. I recall in 2004 when Bush won the 2ndtime so many of us wanted to put a gun to our heads or ask America, “What the hell????” But my Republican aunt at the time, yes after a brush with poverty I think she might have seen the light and came back to being a Democrat, lol… anyways she said that God knew what he was doing and that we had to trust him. That is sooo true. Just think. If Bush hadn’t royally screwed us over soooo bad, Obama would not have had a prayer. But then again McCain choosing Palin was also classic. I mean honestly, Obama would have had all of us shaking had McCain chosen Guliani (Rudy) or even Huckabee. But the good ol’ Sarah pick did push us over and I am glad. Not only did we (Dem) stomp the Republicans, we PULVERIZED them in the electoral college. Ahhh this is a wonderful night. I am glad I am not going to work though because I might be at liberty to break out in song or strut. *Sigh* I know that we were tired of all this mess but it is now over. Obama has won hands down. No one cares that people are upset, Change is coming! WE won. God has spoken and we have no choice but to listen. People can say the anti-Christ is here but if so then that is God’s will. Sometimes God has to reach way down to pick us up… he will do it and he has done it for America.

Whooooohooooo Obama is 44th President. Our prayers have been answered! We will see a tax cut and some great stuff happening in our country… lalalalalalala… ok I am sooo happy. Oh yes and we picked up 5 seats in Congress- ha ha Democrats rise again… oh happy day! 25 seats in the House will be ours… hahahahahaha!

Ok I am probably too happy. I am going to bed to finish celebrating!

I love you dearly and you are one of my dearest friends… keep blogging!

I will let you know about the doc appt tomorrow at 11 a.m. I am still hurting intermittently, thinking about food a lot, eating way more, not wanting to go to work, waking up b/een 5 and 6 a.m. to go to the bathroom, and just nervous about the whole process. I think that sums it up! lol…

Well my best friend at work perhaps ex best friend now, lol… just kidding. Anyways she dragged me to the store- actually the Dollar Store and even asked the lady for me to give a preggar test. So… I took the test home and instead of reading of course I got verbal instructions instead.. so I peed in a cup (yes, I threw the cup away afterwards) anyways… of course you have to put some dabs of urine on the tester and then you are suppose to wait.

Unfortunately, there was not a long wait time for my prayer to go through as the “control” bar lit up automatically and it took a minute for the regular bar to light up. It was crazy! I thought I was going to cry, scream, yell, pass out, etc. But I did not do anything. My bf (maybe ex) was happy as can be and said she was positive that was what it should look like because she had taken quite a few and it did not look the same.

Gosh, it seems like  yesterday I traveled to a friend’s home and consoled her once she found out that she was a “preggar”. So, the test was positive. I am not ready to talk about it. I don’t want the known world to know. Just close friends and family members = ha ha those that have access to the blog. I do know that those of you that I talked to earlier today by phone or e-mail- I am NOT Kidding about diapers and stuff!!!! Be on the lookout and save your money!

Ok so being the good friend that she is bf from wok drove me to CVS (down the street) I honestly think she was afraid to leave me alone. I was glad because I did not want to be alone either. But anyways Mrs. T took and found me some good horse pill vitamins and even offered to get me some apple sauce. I assured her that I had some. But I got some pills at a discount (cuz she let me use her card) and now I am ready to start this process. Yes, Jesus will be holding my hand ALL the way through it. Sigh…

So as Mrs. T is one insistent lady, she also took the liberty of making me a doctor appt with 2 ladies that she liked very much. I was happy to find out one was a black female doctor. I have nothing against males or anything but I thoroughly enjoy looking at and talking to someone that can relate to me. So yet another sigh there. I also found out that nothing major would occur for this visit as I was just going to be educated. So no blood or tears- whoooohoooo! In 2 weeks though I will have to go through with it. I can’t believe all this. It is happening so fast and yes, I will admit that I am scared to death! I am not afraid to have a child and raise it. I am scared of the process. I think I was really hoping that one day I would just have a baby in my arms that was biologically mine and I slept through the 9 months leading up to it. Ok a little off the beaten path I know but still. Sigh. Ok Enough blogging for now about this….

Please pray that I am better. I feel sick and hurt/ ache and I am still working. Not a good combo. Plus only you all are aware of my little issue so PLEASE don’t share- I don’t want the whole town to know until I am READY for them to know. But with all due respect, I felt that you all would or have shared your moments with me and it was only right that I do the same.

The topic for today was about being hopeful and hopeless. My hubby said something pretty darn great- he is a pretty smart guy although I hate to admit it to him because he already knows it… anyways, he said that it probably was harder for a rich person to get into heaven because they have nothing to hope for- they already have everything they want. Imagine that… I do hope to be wealthy one day in that I can pay all the bills and get the majority of my wants too. However, bottom line I would rather go to heaven than be wealthy. The pastor shared a story about a cup of coffee. He said that a bum approached a finely dressed minister and offered him a sip of his coffee. The minister looked at the bum and thought you look nasty and like you have not bathed in weeks, why in the world are you offering me coffee? But being a good Christian, he graciously took a sip (although it liked to have killed him) and it was actually really good. So he asked the bum- what made you want to share your coffee with me? The bum said well I didn’t care about what you had on or anything but I figure if God could bless me with a good cup of coffee then I should share it with others… hmmm… That is a powerful thought- God has shared so much with all of us- we are being selfish not to share his goodess- that can mean money, knowledge, or other things.

Okay so… he defined hopeful as expecting something- looking for something to be obtained. I am very hopeful about my new postition in Mobile. I am also hopeful in that even if it takes a week or a month for me to start my new position, I know that God will come through. He ALWAYS does… like I tell my friends, his time is DEFINITELY not my time but he is always ON TIME! Patience is the key when it comes to God. You have to trust, believe and be hopeful. Our scripture came from Ephesians 2: 1-5, 11-13 in case anyone else out there wants to read it. God went down to hell and claimed all of us when he put his son on the cross. He knew we would mess up, but in his grace and goodness he gives us chance after chance. Guess we should really not be “graceless Christians” (an oxymoron)- that was the message last Sunday. Church is really good and practical. I feel sorry for those who don’t get as much from it. That just reiterates how important it is to attend and how I need to take my own children. I am glad I was raised in the church. The devil creeps in every Sunday at 7:00 a.m. to tell me that I don’t have to go and I can miss a Sunday but I move forward anyway. My hubby hates getting up but he does it anyway.

I remain hopeful this week as I applied for several positions last week but also hope to hear from my top choice school this week. That is my word of the week- HOPE and all of its forms. I plan to spread a little hope to all that I talk to. I am hopeful that I can do this and also hold my tongue because boy does it get out of hand quick… I am getting better (I started really doing it today) at my tongue and still need to pray about my thoughts!

I should get my Wii Fit this week so that is something to look forward to for the weekend and I should get a check next week after putting in what I hope is the full time at my current job. I do want to interview and I HOPE to knock their socks off with my knowledge, determination, drive, and other credentials. This is soooo my dream job so I HOPE that it is in God’s plan. I have learned that if he does not have it in the cards it will not happen and I know that some things are not good for us and they are in the cards so that we will have the experience. I know that God takes things from me but I have yet to lose anything that I regret losing. Not one blessed thing! I can’t think of anything… I lost my dog when I was little- no love lost there- barely remember him… I lost my grandparents and other family to death but I know they are with God and doing way better than me- not to mention I believe they are watching out for me- so that is cool too. I lost some loves or what I thought was loves and I am okay with that- they were not good for me anyway apparently. I have lost some friends but I am okay with that because I have gained more that might be even better for me. People change… relationships change… I have changed. I am more about me, I do feel more grown up and less concerned about stuff that I have no control over. I have my own goals and dreams and now family to attend to.

My HOPE for everyone is to prioritize and get stuff right. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11) So hope and faith go together. I am faithful and hopeful. I am faithful in doing what thus says the Lord or at least trying to be better at it. I am hopeful that my wishes and dreams come true.

For right now- I am hopeful about my job and I have great faith that I will get my A okay this week with a start date. Now- if they can get me interviewed by Tuesday afternoon- I will be great!

I am soo long winded. This thing counts words and I am almost at 1,000- to think. I thought this would be a short post… lol