Living Life as Jayden's Mommy….

Ok I am having a son. I am okay with that. He seems to be a heavy sleeper and maybe since I have indigestion he has some hair on his head. He is healthy and it could be much worse. I am thankful that I am able to have kids and healthy kids at that but I was just disappointed that is all. I think I am privileged to feel that way just a little. But I know little boys are special and if I could steal my nephew and just keep him I would. I know that Christmas time was to put a soft spot in my heart for little men. I am kind of glad that I won’t have to worry about make-up, girl cycles, and all the other stuff like hair associated with little girls just yet. I know in 3 years or later we will try again and hopefully we will have an Ashlynne then. I am willing to go for 3 to get my little girl so we will see.

I have found a similar pattern to the pink and green. I really would like to do light green and brown as the theme but maybe blue and brown is easier to find? I don’t know. But until I get something better in mind I think this is the new pattern…

I guess we will not punish him with the pink and green.

No one should experience disappointment. Just think how great life would be if we had none. On the other hand I suppose that those who have never experienced disappointment may not really understand happiness.

Okay so now back to the real point of the post. The job I have prayed for and claimed well I did not even get an interview. Heck yes I am disappointed. I am angry and pissed off too. I hate that I got my hopes up and had it on everyone’s prayer list. It feels like it was all a dang waste of time and effort. Why am I not suppose to be in my new home city with my husband??? What the heck did we do or I do to deserve this??? Am I being taught a lesson? Can I just be told the lesson so that I can get it and move on??? Patience is a virtue and I have some but what the heck??? OK… so the devil is having his last hoorah. Well I think he needs to stay away from me. I am ready to kick his supernatural butt.

Of course my hubby is supportive. I don’t want to teach anymore. Although I know if I am destined to do it then I will do it but I am not feeling it anymore. I want something different. I don’t think that is wrong. Hubby said that I could quit my job and stay at home. I giggled. If I did that I would really have to do housework day in and day out and stick to a tight budget and shop less. What the heck??? There is sooo much more to life then watching every dang penny I spend. I would rather work. Heck if nothing else, I do get a raise next year too. I suppose there are still job opportunities available so I guess I am back at the drawing board- this really sucks!!!

Ok. I am tired and ornery. I want to sleep and not do anything. I sometimes hate that I have to eat and go to the bathroom. I could stay in bed and watch TV all day and it would not bother me. I enjoy doing nothing on the days that are not great. The summer was great for that. Unfortunately, working did not help that cause.

So, if anyone is reading- say a prayer that God’s will be done so that I am not limiting his blessings. I guess that is now my prayer. I thought expectancy was good- not so sure now. Perhaps stuff will just come. Who knows??? I am tired of worrying about it, applying for jobs, and driving back and forth. I am thankful for the ability but I just don’t want to do it. I am officially Pooped! I am over it all. I am not what they want or what they think they want so whatever. I suppose other prayers trumped mine. I will just do me and let that b that at least for now.

The topic for today was about being hopeful and hopeless. My hubby said something pretty darn great- he is a pretty smart guy although I hate to admit it to him because he already knows it… anyways, he said that it probably was harder for a rich person to get into heaven because they have nothing to hope for- they already have everything they want. Imagine that… I do hope to be wealthy one day in that I can pay all the bills and get the majority of my wants too. However, bottom line I would rather go to heaven than be wealthy. The pastor shared a story about a cup of coffee. He said that a bum approached a finely dressed minister and offered him a sip of his coffee. The minister looked at the bum and thought you look nasty and like you have not bathed in weeks, why in the world are you offering me coffee? But being a good Christian, he graciously took a sip (although it liked to have killed him) and it was actually really good. So he asked the bum- what made you want to share your coffee with me? The bum said well I didn’t care about what you had on or anything but I figure if God could bless me with a good cup of coffee then I should share it with others… hmmm… That is a powerful thought- God has shared so much with all of us- we are being selfish not to share his goodess- that can mean money, knowledge, or other things.

Okay so… he defined hopeful as expecting something- looking for something to be obtained. I am very hopeful about my new postition in Mobile. I am also hopeful in that even if it takes a week or a month for me to start my new position, I know that God will come through. He ALWAYS does… like I tell my friends, his time is DEFINITELY not my time but he is always ON TIME! Patience is the key when it comes to God. You have to trust, believe and be hopeful. Our scripture came from Ephesians 2: 1-5, 11-13 in case anyone else out there wants to read it. God went down to hell and claimed all of us when he put his son on the cross. He knew we would mess up, but in his grace and goodness he gives us chance after chance. Guess we should really not be “graceless Christians” (an oxymoron)- that was the message last Sunday. Church is really good and practical. I feel sorry for those who don’t get as much from it. That just reiterates how important it is to attend and how I need to take my own children. I am glad I was raised in the church. The devil creeps in every Sunday at 7:00 a.m. to tell me that I don’t have to go and I can miss a Sunday but I move forward anyway. My hubby hates getting up but he does it anyway.

I remain hopeful this week as I applied for several positions last week but also hope to hear from my top choice school this week. That is my word of the week- HOPE and all of its forms. I plan to spread a little hope to all that I talk to. I am hopeful that I can do this and also hold my tongue because boy does it get out of hand quick… I am getting better (I started really doing it today) at my tongue and still need to pray about my thoughts!

I should get my Wii Fit this week so that is something to look forward to for the weekend and I should get a check next week after putting in what I hope is the full time at my current job. I do want to interview and I HOPE to knock their socks off with my knowledge, determination, drive, and other credentials. This is soooo my dream job so I HOPE that it is in God’s plan. I have learned that if he does not have it in the cards it will not happen and I know that some things are not good for us and they are in the cards so that we will have the experience. I know that God takes things from me but I have yet to lose anything that I regret losing. Not one blessed thing! I can’t think of anything… I lost my dog when I was little- no love lost there- barely remember him… I lost my grandparents and other family to death but I know they are with God and doing way better than me- not to mention I believe they are watching out for me- so that is cool too. I lost some loves or what I thought was loves and I am okay with that- they were not good for me anyway apparently. I have lost some friends but I am okay with that because I have gained more that might be even better for me. People change… relationships change… I have changed. I am more about me, I do feel more grown up and less concerned about stuff that I have no control over. I have my own goals and dreams and now family to attend to.

My HOPE for everyone is to prioritize and get stuff right. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11) So hope and faith go together. I am faithful and hopeful. I am faithful in doing what thus says the Lord or at least trying to be better at it. I am hopeful that my wishes and dreams come true.

For right now- I am hopeful about my job and I have great faith that I will get my A okay this week with a start date. Now- if they can get me interviewed by Tuesday afternoon- I will be great!

I am soo long winded. This thing counts words and I am almost at 1,000- to think. I thought this would be a short post… lol