Living Life as Jayden's Mommy….

It is 12:36 a.m. Sunday morning. I am still waiting on my son to make his debut. He is apparently waiting on my doctor to deliver him and she is on call as of today so I am glad he did that. I am very nervous about the whole labor process but I am praying and believing that God will take care of me and him and we will be fine.

I am still waiting to hear from the job opportunities too. I am learning patience. What can I say? I have no choice!

I was really disturbed today to see a pic of what my baby is supposed to look like in the womb. It literally looked like limbs were growing from the head or something. It was sooo sad! I wanted to go in and spread the baby out just because I do not like being cooped up.

Work has been ok. I don’t have duty so I don’t have to fix an extra lunch. I am still working on my application packet to Mobile, AL. I am at the point now if ANYONE out there in blogger land knows anything about getting in with that district, please shoot me an e-mail! I really need a position there. My cousin contacted a friend who is going to talk with his principal but I am just praying that it all works out and that I land a great position!

Well I find out Thursday if we are buying pink or blue, so tuned. I will share it in the post for that evening or the next day depending on how I am feeling…

I have been avoiding naps but dreaming an awful lot so unfortunately my sleep has not been good. But, I have a ton of essays to grade. My Economics classes completed career essays and my Am. Govt classes wrote persuasive essays on controversial topics. I have been pleasantly surprised that a few have been excellent!

I am more agitated now than ever. After 5th period, I just want my kids to come in and sit down and do some work. But I also feel I am there to teach so that is what I will do. I am starting new classes tomorrow so the homework begins again with a fresh class calendar. It really does help to be organized and cross your t’s when teaching. So many excuses have been eliminated due to my class calendar. It just makes life easy.

Hubby is working on a CD project so as soon as it is done I will share the logistics. I am thinking if he sells the single for $3 and all my friends and maybe some readers buy it we will break even and maybe be able to make some extra money. I am excited about it. It woud be great to have the money so that he could go back to school full time and complete his CD while I worked part- time or something… oh well a girl can look forward to retirement!

Yes, I have to return but at least I will be in some new clothes. I have duty at lunch- yuck! It is my #1 reason to get out of teaching! But that will not be the case after next week for a little while.  Anyways I am thankful to have a job but would rather just sit in an office all day. My kids are working on essays that have to be graded by next week so I am going to be really busy and deadlines will very much be in place. I am a tough teacher, what can I say?

My sister-in-law also provided me with an updated what you need list:

1. wipe warmer
2. bottle warmer
3. microwave bottle steam sterilizer
4. crib sheets
5. crib mattress pad water proof
6. travel changing pad and wipe holder
7. play mat or tummy time mat
8. bumbo baby sitter
9. health and grooming kit
10. first aid kit
11. bathtub
12. safety Q-tips
13. a baby carrier or sling
14. shopping cart cover
15. baby moniter
16. baby wedge or positioner
17. onesies
18. bibs
19. layette
20. burp cloths
21. receiving blankets
22. wash cloths
23. dreft
24. diaper rash cream
25. bottle brush
26. mittens
27. hangers car shade
28. booties or socks
29. hats
30. crib mobile
31. night light
32. lullaby or classical music
33. nursing pads
34. lasinoh cream
35. nursing bra

The list is extremely helpful and although I will have to look many of the terms up, I will be sure to update my registry and still open for more feedback.

Yes, countdown for Smidgen- January 14th is the big BIRTHDAY!!! Then on the 15th we *Hopefully* find out the sex of the new baby that we have been discussing for the past 4 months!!!! Whooohoooo January 2009 is looking good!

Yes, I think it is here…. the time when I start showing. I at first thought it was a figment of my imagination that my “innie” bellybutton looked like it was trying to escape from my tummy. But as time progresses, I am finding myself slipping my pants on more under my stomach than on it. I wore some of my favorite pants (well they used to be because they were Limited and just fit me perfectly!) and they were tight so I tried to be creative. I wore a bright green turtleneck with some brownish pants and then a black shirt that fit over my butt to hide it. It didn’t look bad and I thought Stacy and Clinton might approve… (What Not To Wear Gang!) Anyways, my Mother kindly pointed out (after my intense thought processing about this whole thing) that my pants were tight and that I might need to go ahead and start looking at buying some bigger clothes. I am only 12 weeks and some change… so I was like… uh… I am going to wait some more.

I really just have no desire to shop! (Don’t worry smidgen doc’s say that it occasionally occurs with those who were once diagnosed as shopaholics) It is also good because I am able to save so much but I am excited about buying baby stuff. As SOON as I find out what I am having I am going shopping, hubby said it was cool and will be supplementing my shopping money too! Whooooohooooooo! Anyways, I don’t care what anyone thinks about me shopping early. It is my 1st child and I am excited! It kind of ticks me off when people say not to shop until you have lost all your weight.. you can shop in the process- it is part of being excited. I shopped a year before my wedding and a year before my move to go to college so I am going to buy what I want and be happy. I do have several friends who are ready to buy too. We are ONLY waiting on a sex. So either way, Miss Ashlynne or Mr. Jaden will be well taken care of!

Not much is going on in life. I am pretty sure I will remain at my job through the end of the year just because I am now a preggar and no one hires pregnant women. It is cool though because I know what I am doing, how to do it, and why I am doing it and now can do it in my sleep.

Oh and did anyone else hear that Jeb Bush may be running for the Fl Senate??? What the heck??? He is a fool! He ruined our money and I am thinking heck no to him as governor, senator or any other position. Why can’t he go back to TX, take care of his family, bask in the oil money they have made, and leave FL alone??? Why is this too much to ask? Why??? Ugh… the sad thing is FL may be stupid enough to put him up there but I don’t see him helping me out personally so I am thinking nope!

I also found out that my friend, sexychocolate is getting her own place in Tally. I am sooo excited. Not only will my little one have somewhere to spend the weekend but she/he can go see Auntie and Godmama2 as well. Yes, right now… I am at several godmothers. It is okay. You can never have too many. So much love!

Well I am ready for Christmas break… we get out Dec. 19th at 1:00. I am giving exams before then so I will have my grades ready when we come back and I am already working on the schedule through May so I am feeling confident. I am very blessed and just pray that God continues to have mercy on me and mine.

Ok, that is all. Here are some Thanksgiving pics… courtesy of “San”… I am showing a little but not much.

This is the 1st pic of me… so perhaps more will follow….

Happy Thanksgiving!

Papa's favorite girls!

Well I think the word has gotten out that I am a preggar at work. But at least the guidance counselor is also a preggar. Today she was giving me tidbits and trying to reassure me that all was normal. This is her 2nd pregnancy. My old boss also walked in and announced that she had heard the news, therefore she was not going to drink any of the water! lol…

I am still getting up early and visiting the potty but it is not too bad. I am taking my vitamins at night and I am not sure if that is good or bad but I figure as long as I am consistently taking them around the same time with a meal it should not matter. I looked up what the pills should have and mine are pretty much right on the money. I also have decided to drink at least 1 glass of milk a day and then maybe a small carton at lunch. Milk is good to me and for me so that is good.

I did share with the counselor today that if I am not eating, I am digesting or feeling queasy. I am so ready for this stage to pass. I had Stouffer’s lasagna for supper tonight. It was delicious and I had 2 helpings- very odd for me. But even crazier than that is that I had Alphabet Spaghetti noodles and meatballs. Not so wild I know but I had an entire can- that would normally be THREE small snacks for me. I shocked myself. I was very full then. I am always feeling either full or completely empty and barely just satisfied. Ugh!

I think that about wraps it up.

I am still teaching and waiting to hear on job opportunities. I did manage to use my time wisely and finishup my class calendar all the way through January 15. I like to know what I am doing ahead of time and when students had to comment on the class they too liked having the calendar to know what was due and what would be done in class as they scheduled appts and things.

I am still looking at homes in AL with hubby. It is exciting but I have decided that a bathroom close to the Master bedroom bed is vital as well as an attached garage. If I could have though now I would have that! I hate walking on the cold floor and out in the cold weather 1st thing in the morning.

I am excited that we “Fall Back” this weekend too- whooohooo one more hour of sleep. I have a feeling I will need more and more sleep. I went to sleep at 12 something last night but plan to try to be in bed by 10:30 p.m. regularly so that I can get more sleep. I am taking naps after I get home as well. Ok well it is time for a shower. Mom is going to the grocery store tomorrow because I am out of milk, need some applesauce, want some snacks, and just need some other stuff. I might go to the store but the smells drive me crazy and I don’t want to “puke” at Wally World so I will probably remain at home as soon as I get off work.

I would love to spend this blog talking about my wonderful adventures during fall break such as my wonderful time spent in the hot tub reading a good book and relaxing or good times off on an exotic vacation or cruise or even some good old fashioned meaningful shopping. Unfortunately I cannot say any of that.

I went home to my hubby on Tuesday to go to a job interview with Human Resources. It was great. I interviewed with the lady before and felt like we were old friends! It lasted all of 20 minutes and she assured me that she would pass on my credentials. Sure enough she did and Mrs. C called me in the next morning for an hour and a half interview which consisted of me talking about my hometown, her niece and nephew, her brother, my past experience, her doctorate degree, plans of the future of the department, etc. It was a nice interview. Do I think I have it? I am not sure. Mrs. C. seemed interested enough but announced that she did have others to interview and that she was waiting on human resources to finish giving her a list. She told me to continue my search and I was bound to get something. Comforting- not so much… 

Outside of the interview, I slept. Why? Not sure if I was exhausted from the weekend in MIA or what. I did see dead bodies- from a distance- that could have added stress. I felt nauseous for most of the week.

I am praying that I am not a “preggar” as was suggested. I should take the test but I have not. I am waiting until I decide to go get one- no pressure ya know? Oh well… I am not feeling the whole “mommy” thing right now but I guess if that is what God has in store then this is a true test of my faith and I have to trust that he will make a way for all of us including me and hubby. I slept for 15 hours a day for most of the day Tuesday through Thursday. I was able to get some stuff done on Friday. Although it didn’t last long… I should have gotten a lot more done. I wish I could get some new stuff or feel motivated to decorate and make the apt less sterile. But the new idea is that we will be moving so why decorate?

Well unfortunately I can spend the rest of the blog talking about Obama leading in the polls, or even that whomever said ok to Palling being on SNL was stupid and that she needs to realize that she has even Republicans claiming that she is only looking out for herself and not McCain but I won’t. I could gripe about my job about not being paid enough or teaching children who could care absolutely less, but I won’t. I will say that I am thankful for a good job, paid vacation, money to do what I need to and some leftover, health, strength, great friends (one is better on the phone & the other is a faithful blog reader) and awesome family (even though they just want to know if I am a preggar or not). I am blessed and that is all.

Some days I think what in the world made anyone want to teach high schoolers? So many of them act like nothing you say is important or will assist them in the long run. Teachers work soooo hard to get lessons, and information together for students for no appreciation. I have had it with unappreciative students. I am at the point where if they want to fail themselves then they can. I am not worried or concerned anymore. If they get it great if not then they need to speak up and we can go back over it. I am just praying to God that something gives and I can give another position a shot. I just do not see what could be so horribly wrong with sitting at a desk and answering phones and doing paperwork. To be locked in a room with my stack of papers- I am telling you- I would love to have the opportunity to be bored or just do something different where I don’t really have to deal with children. Maybe I could work with adults who are mature and can do their job and respect the fact that I need to do mine. Keep it all business- what a concept. It is nothing personal but can we just keep it real and get the job done by putting the crap down. Most of my Seniors are focused but some of them are truly a waste of good air. Ugh… in the meantime I am still in God’s waiting room- praying for my exit slip sooner than later. I guess I CAN stay until Christmas but I do not want to and as soon as I get something else I am not even giving 2 weeks I am just going to be out of there! I can taste it!!!!!

Yesterday I officially started my 6th year of teaching. Although many students, teachers, administrators, staff, and even parents were excited- I was not. It was hard to leave my hubby and return to my small town and my old job. I really thought I would be living a new life by now- NOT IN TRANSITION. My friend that wanted the job in London got her job. This was fantastic news that she received after she stopped worrying about it and quoting scriptures to me. My other friend who was a teacher is still looking but I feel that she is going to find something even better than teaching or she will be moved to a new area where the opportunities will be overflowing.

Back to me… yes I am still waiting on the position at the university. I was offered an interview at another university but the pay decrease would be just too significant and my hubby said no it was not worth it so… I am commuting. I miss him, my wii, and my new wii fit. It is just so unfair that I have a new home and have to pay bills there and buy groceries and I only get to enjoy it every other week. Gas is killing us but I can’t make that drive every week because it is just too much so on his days off every other week, he will bring the wii, the games, and his instruments, and his computer to chill here while I go to work.

I know God is coming through. My hubby dreamed that I got a call or I was told I would be called on  Tuesday. We still believe. I heard about “prayer notes” to the Lord so I am going to do those too. I have let go but just want him to provide me with something there and if that means a pay cut then I want him to lead me that way. The job I did interview for finally closed and they are going to start interviews for the lower paying jobs in the upcoming weeks I hope.

Sigh… okay well I need to get ready for day 2. I am not stressed, classes are small, and it could be much worse. I am thankful for my job and the fact that we are not having money problems. The distance is a major change for me. I got very used to being with hubby daily. Unfortunately that has disappeared… ugh. Okay enough sobbing for one night.

Work… hmmm… yes it is a blessing to have a job. But, is it the best idea to have a job away from your husband??? I don’t think so… Advice for anyone in this situation: purchase a wii and some fun games, get your hubby some male friends, call frequently, get him on a schedule, pray, and visit home as often as possible.

I am still waiting on a job in Mobile. I have not blogged this week because I was still antsy/ minor depressed and it was just hard to even talk about it. I told my friends and hubby that I almost felt like a failure. Everyone was glad to see me at work but they know that I am happily married and want to be with my husband. Amazingly, everyone had the same concept- just move back to **** (our small little town). I was like are you crazy! I love my new home. Everything is within 20 minutes- movies, mall, eating places, theaters, etc… I really mean EVERYTHING!!! I am used to it too.

Well, I am grateful for my position. Other people have come up with options to solve their work-related issues. Unfortunately for me, not working is NOT an option. I don’t think we can afford it and it is not fair to my hubby to have to work double overtime because I want to stay at home. Granted, if we had children it would be different but since we do not I feel I need to do my part and work.

I am sure that God has not forgot about me. He will give me the desires of my heart and he has never failed me yet. I have an ere of expectancy so I expect the institution of my choice to call very soon. Although they said interviews would occur this week, I have not yet received a call so I hope they are still holding off and have not made contact yet since I was not contacted! I know that the position is my dream job and it is just a matter of time before I get it. It is amazing how everything falls into place. My dream guy I met online and then talked forever, got engaged, and married and now the same city in which he lives- has my dream job. How perfect is that????

*Sigh* What can I say? Some things are just meant to be!!! I am still waiting another 2 weeks for my results on the state exam. I explained the test to my coworkers and they did look at me strange when I told them about the writing and listening portion. I didn’t think a school district could discriminate against someone just because they are hard of hearing but perhaps that is not the case.

Ok so I am writing a short entry tonight. I am still in the waiting mode. I am being patient though! God is coming. His time is soooo not my time but he will be on time and that is what counts. I am excited to head “home” tomorow to return to some normalcy for the weekend. It really sucks that my husband has to work though. And our schedules are so different! I acutally had to drink coffee at 5:30 p.m. because I was falling asleep! It was crazy!!!! But I am headed home after work. I hope to get a call tomorrow and if not then next week would be great too. I get paid next week and plan to treat myself so I am excited.

The topic for today was about being hopeful and hopeless. My hubby said something pretty darn great- he is a pretty smart guy although I hate to admit it to him because he already knows it… anyways, he said that it probably was harder for a rich person to get into heaven because they have nothing to hope for- they already have everything they want. Imagine that… I do hope to be wealthy one day in that I can pay all the bills and get the majority of my wants too. However, bottom line I would rather go to heaven than be wealthy. The pastor shared a story about a cup of coffee. He said that a bum approached a finely dressed minister and offered him a sip of his coffee. The minister looked at the bum and thought you look nasty and like you have not bathed in weeks, why in the world are you offering me coffee? But being a good Christian, he graciously took a sip (although it liked to have killed him) and it was actually really good. So he asked the bum- what made you want to share your coffee with me? The bum said well I didn’t care about what you had on or anything but I figure if God could bless me with a good cup of coffee then I should share it with others… hmmm… That is a powerful thought- God has shared so much with all of us- we are being selfish not to share his goodess- that can mean money, knowledge, or other things.

Okay so… he defined hopeful as expecting something- looking for something to be obtained. I am very hopeful about my new postition in Mobile. I am also hopeful in that even if it takes a week or a month for me to start my new position, I know that God will come through. He ALWAYS does… like I tell my friends, his time is DEFINITELY not my time but he is always ON TIME! Patience is the key when it comes to God. You have to trust, believe and be hopeful. Our scripture came from Ephesians 2: 1-5, 11-13 in case anyone else out there wants to read it. God went down to hell and claimed all of us when he put his son on the cross. He knew we would mess up, but in his grace and goodness he gives us chance after chance. Guess we should really not be “graceless Christians” (an oxymoron)- that was the message last Sunday. Church is really good and practical. I feel sorry for those who don’t get as much from it. That just reiterates how important it is to attend and how I need to take my own children. I am glad I was raised in the church. The devil creeps in every Sunday at 7:00 a.m. to tell me that I don’t have to go and I can miss a Sunday but I move forward anyway. My hubby hates getting up but he does it anyway.

I remain hopeful this week as I applied for several positions last week but also hope to hear from my top choice school this week. That is my word of the week- HOPE and all of its forms. I plan to spread a little hope to all that I talk to. I am hopeful that I can do this and also hold my tongue because boy does it get out of hand quick… I am getting better (I started really doing it today) at my tongue and still need to pray about my thoughts!

I should get my Wii Fit this week so that is something to look forward to for the weekend and I should get a check next week after putting in what I hope is the full time at my current job. I do want to interview and I HOPE to knock their socks off with my knowledge, determination, drive, and other credentials. This is soooo my dream job so I HOPE that it is in God’s plan. I have learned that if he does not have it in the cards it will not happen and I know that some things are not good for us and they are in the cards so that we will have the experience. I know that God takes things from me but I have yet to lose anything that I regret losing. Not one blessed thing! I can’t think of anything… I lost my dog when I was little- no love lost there- barely remember him… I lost my grandparents and other family to death but I know they are with God and doing way better than me- not to mention I believe they are watching out for me- so that is cool too. I lost some loves or what I thought was loves and I am okay with that- they were not good for me anyway apparently. I have lost some friends but I am okay with that because I have gained more that might be even better for me. People change… relationships change… I have changed. I am more about me, I do feel more grown up and less concerned about stuff that I have no control over. I have my own goals and dreams and now family to attend to.

My HOPE for everyone is to prioritize and get stuff right. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11) So hope and faith go together. I am faithful and hopeful. I am faithful in doing what thus says the Lord or at least trying to be better at it. I am hopeful that my wishes and dreams come true.

For right now- I am hopeful about my job and I have great faith that I will get my A okay this week with a start date. Now- if they can get me interviewed by Tuesday afternoon- I will be great!

I am soo long winded. This thing counts words and I am almost at 1,000- to think. I thought this would be a short post… lol