Living Life as Jayden's Mommy….

No I have not neglected to inform my loyal readers that I am now a Mommy because my son is still inside me. Yes, that is what I said. I was due Tuesday and the little man has decided that life is better in Mom. As much as I have fought for him to stay in there as long as he wants, the doc and ultrasound tech feel he needs to come on out. The fluid looks ok but the placenta is old. So… he is going to have to be out by Monday.

Yes, I am a little depressed. I feel as though I did something and my son does not want to come out on his own. I am praying I don’t have to have a C-section. I am not happy that I am being set up for cervadil (to soften my cervix) because I HATE to be checked- it is a grueling and just stressful experience for me. I am currently 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced since my doc had not charted any of my progress the last 2 weeks for the nurses to share with me today. I went in strictly for the ultrasound. As far as I can tell- the Cervadil is to be inserted kind of like a tampon AND then it has to be taken out… I am PRAYING that when I am checked I am 100% effaced and that my son is really close to coming out. I am all for the Pitosin in the I.V. and I am ok with the epidural as well.  So I go in Sunday at 5:30 p.m. and then sometime on Monday I will go into labor and have a “Jayden”. I am rethinking the whole preggo thing just because of this end part BUT maybe with a vaginal birth I will open up and it will be better next time.

So that is my update. I am double checking my bag and bought some nursing bras today. My newest addition from ebay about 10 minutes ago is the “Itzbeen Baby Care Timer” for $25. I just think it will help even though my Mom thinks I am freakin’ crazy! I got a green one to match the nursery and to be gender neutral since I just associate blue with boy.

Ok so some of the things I have to go to the hospital:

Nursing bras
Reading material

Robe
Lounge clothes
Nursing pads
Boob creme
slippers
flip flops
hair stuff
perfume
Dove soap
baby oil gel (for after shower)
toothbrush/ toothpaste
snacks
Granny undies (for the huge pads)

For Jayden:
3 outfits (depending on temp in and out of hospital)
2 hats
mittens
receiving blankets
blanket
diapers
petroleum jelly (for his wee wee)
desitin
burp cloths
receiving blankets
wipes
baby lotion

I am sure there is some other stuff I am forgetting at 12 a.m. but you get the idea…

OK so say some prayers that I do as much as possible on my own without the doc’s help. And that if I do have to have stuff that I can relax and it not be painful!

Oh yes quick note for those of you that are thinking I should do some things to cause myself to go into labor or efface naturally. I have tried the following: warm bath, let hot water hit the tummy, hit the web in between the forefinger and thumb, make love, walk, walk briskly, bounce on the exercise ball. I am not eating spicy food, hitting the bumpy roads, or dinking castor oil. The child is not ready to come out and that is the bottom line. I do feel that he has dropped more into position since Tues but the ultrasound tech really could not verify that.

Have a fantastic weekend!

It is 12:36 a.m. Sunday morning. I am still waiting on my son to make his debut. He is apparently waiting on my doctor to deliver him and she is on call as of today so I am glad he did that. I am very nervous about the whole labor process but I am praying and believing that God will take care of me and him and we will be fine.

I am still waiting to hear from the job opportunities too. I am learning patience. What can I say? I have no choice!

I have fallen in love with 2 items on ebay. I am also trying to think if I can get some wonderful family members to pay for them… anyways here are my 2 current fascinations….

We would get it personalized with the last name since this is the only set Mommy plans to purchase as far as baby rooms go anyway. The clock is $15.99 plus $7.00 shipping.

These are the matching wall letters but since I am going to use the letters for him as a toddler too and may get a new set perhaps I should get just a plain color but these letters are $8.50 each and I need 6. YIKES!!!!

I am so impersonal… I know… nevertheless here is what it read:

“I am 1 cm dilated, 6 cm until an epidural and 10 cm until I can push. I am at home and still working.”

I thought that was short, sweet, to the point and cleared up confusion! Boy, was I wrong… The next several phone calls were “What???” “Are you in the hospital?” I answered a couple of calls before falling asleep at 9 p.m. but calmly explained that I was dilated and sent home.

So… how do I know I am dilated? I would be thrilled to share that this special machine was pressed against my tummy and it showed them but that was not the case. Unfortunately the dreaded finger had to check.. yes it was one instead of two because I am a complete and total wuss. I am soooo much of a wuss that my doctor told her ARNP that I may or may not allow her to check me and that was okay. I laughed when she told me that. But the ARNP was freaking fantastic! She was slow and moved as I told her it was ok. She told me I was doing good and she could feel the baby’s head and then explained that they would be checking me in the hospital and may not be as patient but that I was doing great and just needed to relax some. I HAVE to get her a thank you card because she really was awesome. So… after I was sooo violated, my child would NOT stop moving. I was like “Dang!” But I figure I would help the dilation some by shopping… he he… ok that was an excuse. But my leg hurt all day long- I am talking 24 dang hours. I don’t know if Jayden is on a nerve or what but I was thinking wheelchair or just cut the durn thing off!

Anyways so Mom and I (oh surely you did not think I went to the doc alone! Duh! I am too far along to do much of anything alone… ok so that is not the total reason Mom went… lol.. I have not been to an appt alone… Mom, hubby, sis- someone has gone and to put it bluntly I liked it that way- I need support and when my Ashlynne has a baby- yes I plan on having an Ashlynne in a few years- then I too will support her!) (back to the story now…) went to eat at Olive Garden- delayed Mother’s Day gift. She was really annoyed because I hadn’t warned her.. no, she was dressed fine but she would have rather starved herself 1st so that she could fully enjoy her meal! I cracked up laughing because that whole “love food” thing was sooooo not passed on to me. If I didn’t have to eat, I would not! Uh…. We went to the mall afterwards and I got a dress from Motherhood to wear home since I “don’t have any just cute after preggo dresses”… yeah I was full of excuses today… and I got some “pee pee tee pees”.. what are those you ask… HA! They are little caps you put on boys little wees wees so that they don’t spray you in the face. Mom said she would make me some more but I got 5 at $2 each. I don’t care though- you can’t put a price tag on missing that “spray in the face” action! Ok so we went to Victoria Secret to get some undies and they sold out of the old kind (the 10 for $25) AND no longer will be making the low rise bikini! I am soooo pissed off with that. I don’t like the regular hip huggers because there is too much material on the side… not to mention NOW there is spandex in the undies! Yeah no more 100% cotton.. hello! What the crap?? 100% cotton is healthy- ask your gyno! UGH!!!! So after that crap, we bought my sister’s birthday present and had our rings cleaned. She is a little stinker because she cleaned me out on this gift but I know she will appreciate it at her new home in July so it is worth it and she is such a good “Aunty” too so… Dad, Mom, Hubby, I, and Jayden will be giving her this gift on July 20th when she will be 24! LOL.. soooo old! I remember when I thought that was just downhill…. nope 25 is!

We went to Baby’s R’ Us after the mall and I thought I had died and gone to heaven. However, I was not too impressed with the few things I thought I needed. I did find out that my Mom used liquid formula (and they were poor!) so I told her I was going to use it too. But… you have to warm the dang stuff cuz it comes out of the fridge and that could be a pain at 2 a.m. so I may be using powder- quick poor mix and shake at room temperature or I might even breastfeed a little longer than a week and go for a  month. I guess I could pump too but who knows. I was going to get a monitor but honestly I don’t want him out of my sight the 1st 3 months so he will be in a bassinet in my room and then… we might move him to the other room but then again maybe not… I am not seeing him in the bed with us but definitely at arm’s reach. I am a 1st time Mom- so sue me!

Now at 4 a.m. I am dealing with indigestion still… oh yes, I have had it for 5 days.. I am thinking this child better have a head full of hair! I will be glad when I go back to normal- no morning sickness, a single pop tart, eat whatever, less bathroom breaks, etc.

So now for my hubby’s brilliant line of thinking… I told him that the doc wanted to discuss inducing me because today my leg was bothering me and I was not comfy. So after my next visit at 39 weeks, she will talk about me going in on Sunday and having the baby Monday, June 8th. I am okay with this I think. He is supposedly 6’11 and I think that is too big so.. get him out before he gets too much bigger! Hubby said “Well can you wait until Wednesday- when I am off?” I told him no because they only do surgery on Monday and she wants to guarantee that she gets to be with me over someone else. I am ok with this too as she understands me and my special needs. I think I will have to be in the hospital 3 days… so… he wants to come Sunday after work – 4 hours one way and then  leave Monday evening- 4 hours… work Tues and then come back- 4 hours- and stay with me through Thursday. I was like whatever… take vacation time or just take off and be done with it. You knew this would happen! Ugh.. men can be soooo dense sometimes. I will be upset if he is not there the whole time but I have a Mama and she will not make me stay alone so that will be fine too. I have it all planned out… (I am such a planner- yes I know- it makes me happy!)

Week 1- Grandma, me, and Jayden; Week 2- Sis, me, and Jayden; Week 3- Hubby, me, and Jayden…

Yep- they all have to get that leave time ready because they will be needing it. So… week 4 I will be at home with hubby still working from home and surely by then will have it down to a science- changing, feeding, sleeping, bottles, etc.

Well now that I have given the full update and am just tired of typing.. I will leave you all to a blessed day.

That is all… there isn’t anymore…

Well, it is!!!! I went to the doctor and cried. I told my hubby I think I may be getting post partum early too. I think it may be because I am such a “planner” and feel like I can’t plan too much with so much in the air. Ugh! Anyways so a few things have been going on with me…

First, the good stuff- I am doing ok with pregnancy all in all. My legs are killing me and I HATE walking anywhere… but I am not bleeding or having extreme pain anywhere plus I am getting some good sleep these days even though I am having some crazy dreams. All of them kind of have me just out of college (before I knew my hubby) and all my old friends are there. Today was the 1st time I dreamed I was still with my old friends and pregnant. I woke up trying to remember who was the father, was I married, did I have a real job, did I live in Tallahassee, why hadn’t I told certain people, etc. It was crazy!!! Ok so what else? Well, I talked to my boss today and we are going to try to develop a plan for me to come to work maybe 1/2 days the next 5 days since I am experiencing pain in my legs and morning sickness again. I have 53 hours to use and I am NOT afraid to use them!

Ok so what is the bad? Well, I still have no inclination on whether I will be in AL next year. (I was invited back to my job for next year – even though I am tenured- it was nice to be invited back because she thinks I am a good teacher!) I had to resign (well hubby did) the lease for another 6 months since we are unsure if we will be getting a home in AL or not. My legs hurt so bad in the mornings and after long naps that I want to remove them! I miss having the energy to want to do anything outside of sleep. My friend (PJB- the mom) said that as a new Mom I wouldn’t need much sleep as I will be running on adrenaline so I look forward to that… lol… I did go to the doc and I just broke down in there too… it is the hormones she said! She also hugged me! She really is awesome. I am not contracting and she told me the baby would be here soon so I just needed to get ready so I can push it out. She then added it was called “Labor” for a reason so… to all my prayer partners- please start praying now that all goes well and I have an easy delivery if there is such a thing! The ultrasound tech tried to get a weight on the baby and she came up with 6pounds and 11 ounces. I thought I was going to lose my lunch as I said “Excuse me????” She said that it might be smaller, and I told her that I was fine with that. Sis and I were 6 lbs and 10 ounces so I am ok with that size. I hope I don’t have huge baby- Lord hammercy!!!!

Well now I will attempt to leave you some updated pics… pics of what? Well, just pics I should have posted… some of me… my new toys that hubby put together, my Mom’s living room that I have taken over… etc.

33 weeks...

37 weeks

       

 

So Saturday I cried. I guess it was for a whole 10 minutes after I told myself I would not cry. But the pressure of life started weighing in… I am about to have a baby, I don’t have a secured position in Mobile, I don’t really have a babysitter here or there, and then there is the desire for a home there and that has still not come to pass and here lately I have not seen any great contenders. On top of all that, I feel like I am the only one that is truly concerned about it. Yes, I am trusting that the Lord will take care of it all but it still makes me antsy not to know what is in store. So, I cried… I stopped because my Mom came in to check on me. I think she knew I was crying but I stopped and tried to hide it anyway. She told me she is praying that I get the online virtual school job so that I can stay home with Jayden and I am sooo not against that. However, I put in an interest letter for Baldwin County Schools and a complete application with everything in my packet will be mailed tomorrow morning 1st thing. As soon as I get my official transcripts and reference letters then I will send it all off for Baldwin County.

I missed church today because I was feeling not so great. But in the meantime I did take the time to organize everything for my applications in AL. It made me feel accomplished! I also e-mailed a lady in Human Resources for Mobile County. Last but not least, I am done with all of my essays so I can post all of my final grades tomorrow minus my Psych class. I think I am going to show them a movie that one of my other classes watched just to give them some exposure.

OK Desperate Housewives finale is on… Grey’s Anatomy was fantastic so I am not going to miss this one either!

That is all, there isn’t anymore….

I have sooo much grading to do… why did I wait until the end to do it? Well it was strategic, I had to cover so much info before I assigned it. I did get the career essays graded for Economics and now I have some Govt. essays to grade. It will be fairly easy to grade those if I can just sit long enough to actually do it! I also have tax papers to grade from last week but I only have 1 class remaining, thank the Lord!

I have to give finals this week and another dr. appt. this Friday. I will be checked for dilation this week since my doc should be back… not looking forward to that at all. Anyways, I figure if I hold out until May 28th then I can take off the rest of the year and still get paid if I had to. I am going to get a double check on my due date because I found some paperwork and it stated my expected due date according to measurements was June 7th which is a Sunday. He has been doing somersaltsin my belly for the last hour and I am not sure what is up with that but I thought he might be hungry so I ate… but that didn’t settle it… perhaps he is ready to hear my voice again.. who knows.. I think I am ready to meet him and stop being preggo for about 3 years until we can welcome him a little sister, Ashlynne. Yes, I am bound and determined to have a girl!

Well I had another shower at church today. It involved everyone dropping off gifts and cards, lol. I also found out that University of Phoenix is starting an online high school so… maybe I can look into getting into that. I heard a word at 7 a.m. well 6:30 I think, it was Creflo Dollar. Funny, he was talking about worry and how that was not of God. I recall the scripture marked in my Bible that talks about how we should not worry because God provides for the animals so of course he will provide for me. So I am continuing to pray and believe that I will get a position that is best for my family.

Ok, that is all there isn’t anymore…

Well this year I decided hubby would have to do without a Father’s day gift from me since next year Jayden and I will be getting him one. By the way I am not expecting a Mother’s Day gift either. So… I still needed to buy for my own father. So at 6:30 a.m.- yeah that is right bright and early Sunday morning, I woke up to go pee and I saw it! What did I see? Well on shopNBC.com they are having a 1 day special for a TOM TOM! I was soooo excited. Why? Well that is what my Dad asked for and my Mom was getting stressed about finding one. So why else? Well it was only $78.96!!!! Yes! Ok well $10 shipping and then that included a $30 rebate so in all I paid $118, but with the $30 rebate it is still under $90 and you can’t beat that. Plus, Mom, Sis, and I are going in together- which rocks! So… it has been a good day so far.

My shower was yesterday and we had lots of fun! I got lots of clothes and nice things. I am going to have to organize. I also figured out how to attach my car seat to the stroller- totally cool! I still have to get assistance on how to let the stroller down to get it in the car but I have a little time I think. I will get some shower pics posted soon.

That is all… there isn’t anymore.

Oh and my list of things to still get consists of:

Bottle warmer, wipe warmer, diaper genie II, bath set, bath sponge (recommended by P.Bush at Our New Baby), and the swing and playard. We are holding out on the high chair!

Yes 6 weeks left and my little one will be here and life will never be the same. I will be totally responsible for another human for more than an hour or 2- scary thought. Anyway I do have updated pics but I got bigger. How do I know??? I can tell because my pregnancy belt (yeah for my back) does not fit right anymore. It still helps but at about 3 it has to come off because it gets on my nerves. I stand straight and my legs have immense pressure. I walk like it hurts because it DOES hurt. My doc is out having her own baby and the replacement well she is not very helpful or sympathetic- so glad she is not my regular doc! I will get the gall to add all that one day. I am back to napping and resting and now sweating- yes I know it is natural but it is gross! I hate it! I avoid it at all costs. So now when I nap I cover up and then wake up sweating under my neck usually. I told my Mom and she was like “you are pregnant!” I did not like that solution as it was not one. So… I have come up with a solution- I have no silk and cotton is hot… so nothing works… literally!

Ok so I was reading sevenchicks blog and looked at the lists people offered of things you need for a new baby. I have no pacifiers but I figure after my shower on Sat. Maybe even Sunday I will just take my money and go stock up at Wal-Mart on all that stuff. I have diapers and wipes to last for a minute (like a week or 2 so far) and thanks to a couple of high school friends, I went and got some preemies just in case my new lil’ one can’t wear the big ones. I got my stroller and car seat and plan to play with that tomorrow when I can get my hubby to drag it all out for me. I ordered my bassinet (thanks to Mom) and I got hubby to agree to get me the playard thing that costs $150. I am so matchy it is a shame. I told hubby that when we have our Ashlynne we would have to get new stuff because I like pink. What do you mean, what did he say (smidgen)? He did not say a word, he laughed and said ok whatever you want. That is soooo nice to hear sometimes by the way. He really is good to me even though I get on his nerves a lot. We have decided that it was nothing but the Lord that brought us together and is keeping us together, lol. I am driving him crazy these days!

Ok that is all, there isn’t anymore….

Yes, it has finally hit me… I am very tired.

I am tired of not fitting my clothes, wearing the same thing over and over again, going to work sick and tired, sleep deprivation, heartburn, indigestion, puking, not sleeping on my tummy, waking up in the middle of the night, bad dreams, bathroom breaks every 2 hours, bladder infections, people staring, not being able to go far, not being able to bend over, backaches, and going to the dr. so daggum often…

Ok now that I have all that off my chest. I am thankful for God, my hubby, my baby, my family, my job, my friends, and all the blessings God has bestowed upon me!

That is all… there isn’t anymore…